Share Your Light With The World

 

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I haven’t posted on this blog in quite some time and for that I apologize. I’m sorry to have left you hanging.

In all honesty, I have been all over the place with life lately. This past year has been somewhat of a transitional period for me. Shifting away from what took me away from my happiness and moving closer to what fills my soul with beauty and joy.

The transition has been a bit frightening yet liberating and I feel that is is far from over. Quite the opposite actually. I feel that I am at the beginning of a new and exciting journey or phase of my life.  I am just coming into my true self.  Finding who I am and allowing that inner person to shine through. Finally allowing myself to just be.

I have decided that part of my destiny is to share my light with all who are open to receiving it. The world that we live in can be a place of turmoil and strife, but we do not need to dwell in those places. We can look within and find refuge. Find a beautiful place away from all of the noise. It is in this place that I want to share myself with the world.

As a society, we tend to forget that everything we see, hear, read, watch, listen to…it all stays with us. We carry this energy out into the world with us. Because of this, it is important to surround ourselves with beauty and love. It is completely possible and within everyone’s reach to raise our vibrations. To align ourselves with the beauty in the world. Live it into our lives. And carry it with us and in us all the days of our lives.

As odd as it may sound to some, I stopped watching the news for many years. It saddened me to the point of tears on more occasions than I care to remember. They rarely share joy. Instead they share troubles. Injustice. The sadness that pervades the world.

In times of sadness, shine bright with the love that you see in your world. A flower. The sky. A sunset. Whatever you find beauty in, others will too. We need to share this, not the negativity.

What I ask of you today is that you share the beauty you see each day. Share the light in the world. Be the light in the world.

Please share this message with anyone who is open to receive it. Let us raise the vibration of ourselves and the world.

Peace, love and light,

Angie

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Rise With The Sun

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Many a wise philosopher has made reference to “rise with the sun” and honor the early morning hours, yet so many of us will shift in ire anxious to fall back asleep. To get those last few hours of rest. My question to you today is “Why is that we are waking up so early?” Is it only our physical body alerting us to some basic functions that need to be addressed as some cultures would suggest or is it something more spiritual?

Perhaps the universe has beautiful secrets to share with us that can only be heard in the quiet hours before the rest of the world wakes up. Before the world becomes alive with so much noise. Too much noise. One of my favorite poets and philosophers is Rumi. Each morning, as my eyes pop open at 4am and I am tempted to roll over and go back to sleep, I hear this poem clearly in my mind:

The breezes at dawn have secrets to tell you.

Don’t go back to sleep!
You must ask for what you really want.
Don’t go back to sleep!
People are going back and forth across the door sill where the two worlds touch,
The door is round and open.
Don’t go back to sleep!”

It is then that I try to listen for the messages that are surely awaiting me. It is then that I endeavor to calm my mind before it can begin to ruminate on all of the menial tasks and lists in my head. And it is then that I find my peace to carry me through my days.

Often I will lay in bed, with my body still, just waiting for wisdom to be whispered to my soul. Other times I will sit up, and begin my formal meditation. Enjoying the stillness of the hour, the quiet solitude in a chaotic world normally filled with sound. One of my favorite moments is when I can hear the birds begin to wake up. Hear them slowly showering the world with the gift of their beautiful voices before the harsh sounds of suburbia intrude. It is such a beautiful experience to truly listen.

These early morning meditations, or moments of solitude, are a blessing. Something I wish to share with the world. I would like to extend an invitation from the universe, God, your higher power…whatever speaks to you…to listen. The answers we seek are always there for us. Sometimes we just need to listen in the silence.

Have a beautiful life!

Wishing you peace, love, and light,

Angie

 

 

Eating my feelings

Today's lunch. Lightly sauteed zucchini, red and yellow peppers, mushrooms, spinach in evoo with hummus wrap. Super yummy!

Today’s lunch. Zucchini, red & yellow peppers, mushrooms and spinach sauteed in evoo with hummus wrap. Super yummy!

I’m sitting here thinking about the amazing mind body connection we have with food. I mean, yes, we all crave junk at times, but when we make a conscious effort to eat healthier we feel better overall. Seriously, how do you feel after you sit alone in your car and scarf that greasy cheeseburger, or that movie sized box of candy? Disgusting. Gross. Angry. Depressed. Disappointed in yourself. I know I’m not alone here. I know that there are people all over the country, probably all over the world, sitting in their car or apartment eating stuff they know damn well they shouldn’t be eating. Hell, how about on the floor in front of the refrigerator grabbing random food shoving it down their throats almost faster than they can swallow…Been there. Done that. I am not saying this to make you feel bad. I am saying this to let you know you’re not alone. I am not alone. We are not alone.

I have been thin, I have been fat, and I have been where I am right now before. Somewhere in the middle, fed up with feeling like crap and wanting to make positive changes. Are you with me? I hope so.

I joke with my best friend all the time about eating my feelings. It’s kind of like a running joke between us. But the funny thing is, it’s really not that funny. I do eat my feelings. I’m pretty sure so many of us do, but are too ashamed to admit it. So I make fun of myself. I use humor to deflect from my emotional state when the truth is too hard to face. Everything is better when you can just laugh about it right? Maybe, maybe not. Maybe looking inside of ourselves is harder than we anticipated, so we deflect. Look over here. This is funny. Don’t notice my reckless abandon staring you in the face.

Most of my life I have spent it worrying about when I’m going to die. Yes. Morbid I know. But it’s who I am. Or at least who I’ve been. Women in my family have a long history of dying before they are fifty. Or at least in the close to age vicinity. I have spent my ENTIRE life waiting to die at an early age. I let it control my actions, my feelings, and my mindset. I’m here to say that I am ready to live.

It has been a long year for me. My grandmother’s death and then the almost immediate deaths of two close family members pushed me over the edge and under an emotional tidal wave of depression and anxiety. I shut down. Emotionally. Mentally. Physically. Spiritually. I stopped living. Stopped caring about what I did, what I ate, and how I lived. Hey, what was the point? At forty one I was close to the casket. Right? And some days I am still there. Holding my breath. Trying not to drown under the weight of my past and vague promise of my future. Struggling to break the surface. But some days, like today, I close my eyes and let the sun warm my face as I dream of an alternate reality from the one where I die in less than nine years. I dream of a place where I have a hand in controlling my destiny.

Every day I am trying to make healthier food choices. I don’t always succeed. But when I do, the feeling of accomplishment…boy oh boy…it tastes like satisfaction. Mmmmmm. Maybe I am still drooling over that cookie ice cream in the freezer, apparently dreaming loudly of bacon according to my husband…but I would rather eat my unprocessed, natural foods and feel the flood of endorphins sluicing through my veins and giving me that high that you can only get from natural foods and healthy living. Call me crazy. Haha, you wouldn’t be the first. But I know what I know, and what I know is that I feel better when I eat better. When I get my butt up off the couch and do something, anything. Live.

I can choose to let my thoughts control me or I can choose to control my thoughts. I can toss those self destructive depressive thoughts out the window and replace them with positive thoughts. I can choose to eat that greasy cheeseburger and large fries and wash it down with a giant coke or I can prepare a healthy meal for my family to better our lives. One meal at a time.

Let’s do this. Let’s change our lives one day at time. We didn’t get unhealthy in one day and we won’t get healthy in one day. I know I didn’t get like this overnight. But I tell you this, from a girl who is barely over five feet tall and has been over two hundred pounds (yes, picture it, not a very pretty picture)…I have done it before and will do it again. I will get my healthy back. I can feel it already. With every little change I make I take a step towards a better tomorrow.

I am in tears sitting here writing this. I am ready for change and praying for wisdom. They say with age comes clarity. I believe that I am starting to see through the fog. I just needed to change my perspective. Shift. There, that’s a bit brighter.

I am thinking of the meal I will make for my loves tonight. Something tasty but healthy. Baby steps. Every day. Baby steps. I can do it and so can you. We are not alone.

Peace and love,

Angie

 

Working on new material and prepping for surgery (Eeeek!)

So, I am plodding along working on the second installment in the Toxicity series and preparing to have ankle surgery on Tuesday! (Agghh!) I hate surgery. But I need to get the hardware in my ankle/leg removed. A bunch of screws, pins, and a long plate. My body never accepted the alien material very well. It’s been in there for twelve long years and it has been painful since day one! Literally. I have not gone one day without my ankle swelling and in pain. I am excited and nervous at the same time. I always think I am going to die whenever I go under the knife. I know. Morbid. But, I can’t pretend to be someone I’m not, right?!? Wish me luck! Continue reading

Toxicity: Volume 1 ~a novella

I’m so excited that my first novella, Toxicity: Volume 1 (a novella) is finally out!  I hope you enjoy it and will check out the second installment which should be completed shortly. Below is the description of the book. Right now you can find it on Amazon for Kindle, but it should be available on other platforms soon! Sign up to get notifications of the second book in the series and upcoming announcements about new books.

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Lacey Fagyn has spent her life running from her past.

Growing up neglected and afraid has murdered her innocence and left her with severe trust and anxiety issues. Lacey struggles to overcome her past and create a quiet normal life for herself but she cannot escape her memories of being pulled into a cult as a teenager as they continue to come back to haunt her nightly. She finds that trying to forget your past and actually succeeding are two entirely different things. Continue reading